screw it i'll probably be on my lj again haha
http://www.livejournal.com/users/lezzlemynezzle
Sunday, February 10, 2008
joy it tends to hold you with the fear that it eventually departs.
New years always start out with such optimism. After failing last semester and changing my major twice, I rededicated myself to my education and everything that I wanted to be, and had a pretty good January.
But here it is, only a little over a month later, and I feel like I'm back where I was in November/December, completely alone and full of regret and confusion. I had a really fun day with Marcus in LA today, going to vintage clothing and used book stores. It was just what I needed. It made me love LA again. But here it is, six hours later, and everything's changed for no reason. I can't make myself truly happy. No matter what happens, the feeling always disappears, and I am left with this gaping hole inside of me. I miss having someone I told everything to. That hasn't happened in four years.
I don't really even know what I'm saying anymore. Casanova is playing on Bravo in 7 minutes but I don't think I'm ready to watch it. I miss Heath Ledger with that unique pain reserved for those you have never known.
But here it is, only a little over a month later, and I feel like I'm back where I was in November/December, completely alone and full of regret and confusion. I had a really fun day with Marcus in LA today, going to vintage clothing and used book stores. It was just what I needed. It made me love LA again. But here it is, six hours later, and everything's changed for no reason. I can't make myself truly happy. No matter what happens, the feeling always disappears, and I am left with this gaping hole inside of me. I miss having someone I told everything to. That hasn't happened in four years.
I don't really even know what I'm saying anymore. Casanova is playing on Bravo in 7 minutes but I don't think I'm ready to watch it. I miss Heath Ledger with that unique pain reserved for those you have never known.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Think I'll start a new life...
So I started a new blog. again. Every time I go too long without writing in one, I feel the need to start another one because I don't feel like the same person. So here I go again. And I haven't written since October...Wow. I feel like my whole life has happened since then. Quick update I guess...
October 14/15 - Bamboozle Left = amazing. I started the line at 2 a.m on Saturday., sat in the cold and (sometimes) rain until 11 a.m., made a couple friends, ran across the field to the barricade and proceeded to stand there all dayyy....made friends with the security guards...missed William Tell & Sherwood because I was holding my spot on the barricade of the main stage...so I watched Secondhand Serenade, Phil Bensen, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Sugarcult, Cobra Starship, Gym Class Heroes, and Hellgoodbye. Hellogoodbye was the worst pain I have ever experienced during a concert...I couldn't even enjoy the band because I was being killed. But then Jack's Mannequin came on and everything was worth it.......even more so was when Andrew started playing Konstantine, and slowly Clutch and Josh and Brian came on stage and Drew just grinned and said "Ladies and gentlemen...Something Corporate." and the crowd freaked out and I still get goosebumps thinking about it and Josh was wearing the same shirt as me and they finished Konstantine and then played Hurricane and I Woke Up In a Car. Amazing. I got pulled out by the security guards afterward...tried to find Andrew, couldn't, watched part of Dashboard Confessional from the back, then left. Saturday, I went later and had a chill day wandering around...watched The Outline, Daphne Loves Derby, Yellowcard, Chris Conley from Saves The Day do a solo acoustic performance (one of the best shows of my life), met Chris again, watched part of Thrice, and Brand New. Amazing weekend. I would've written more in depth but it was like five months ago.
In October I also did sound for a comedy group during the LA Fest of Sketch Comedy...that was a lot of fun I love those kids. And on the 24th I went to the Nintendo Fusion Tour in Anaheim and saw The Sleeping, Emery, Plain White T's, and Relient K (and left before Hawthorne Heights). That was an awesome show too.
November, I started my first film shoot, for Ivan. Spent 8-15 hours a day building a huge set of a Yukon bar with Drew and Mallie, then spent two weekends shooting and then a day taking stuff back up to prop houses in LA with Ivan and tearing down the set and then another day cleaning up the stage. One of the best times of my life even though I worked my butt off and got no sleep...I pretty much made my best friends on that shoot. I also was a stage hand for the school's shadowcast of Rocky Horror, and I freaking met Josh Groban at a CD signing in LA which I sat outside all day for....I told him my hands were all shaky and he was like oh are you okay and I said something about being tired or being here all day and he asked me how long I'd been there and I said I left my dorms at seven hahaha he was impressed. He was a complete sweetheart for the few seconds I got to talk to him before they shoved me away. Jared came and stayed with me during Thanksgiving that was fun...we went to the beach and Beverly Hills and hung out.
December, Marcus and I production designed Matt Celia's movie the first two weekends. Involved a lot of Christmas decorations and puzzles and maps and sleepless nights but the shoot was a lot of fun too. December 9 I drove to San Diego and saw Cobra Starship and Jack's Mannequin open for Panic! at the Disco. Left before Panic, tried to find Andrew with Allie and Nicky but couldn't...saw him leaving, hung out for a while, then helped Casper pass out ATR samplers after the show. Went home for Christmas, that was fun...Jared got me a White Chocolate and a Jack's Mannequin concert ticket, we went to Body Worlds, etc...
January, worked as art director for the location filmmaking project Danny Steingetz. That has plenty of stories in and of itself, but let's just say overall it was fun and definitely interesting....then Marcus and I production designed Sean Barney's senior thesis the last weekend in January and the first two weekends in February...that was also verryyyy interesting and we had some good times...so stressful though.
February 2nd I drove down the San Diego again to see Jack's Mannequin. Sat in line all afternoon, had early admission, and got a front and center spot on the barricade...watched Get Back Loretta, The Audition, and Head Automatica open and then watched what I believe is the best Jack's Mannequin show of my life. It was amazing...afterward I went to the back with Allie and Nicky and Blayne and Blayne's friend to try to find Andrew since I hadn't gotten into the meet-n-greet...he came out and I said hi to him, had him sign my shoe since Bryce Avary had signed the other...he talked about how he had just hung out with Bryce recently...I died a little on the inside from happiness...took a picture with him, asked him where he got his hat, told him Bamboozle was amazing, etc. And Brian Ireland was there I guess just to see Andrew so I finally got to meet him, asked him about his new band's show at Chapman, I told him it was a good place to have a first show and he said that he chose it because I went there haha. Anyway I got a picture with him...asked him where he got his hat too and said I'd see him in a couple weeks. Hung out with a couple of the guys from Get Back Loretta for a while, they invited us to In-N-Out, we ate and then I drove home again...
This is really long already and I have class in a half hour so I'll write about the rest of February and this month latas...
October 14/15 - Bamboozle Left = amazing. I started the line at 2 a.m on Saturday., sat in the cold and (sometimes) rain until 11 a.m., made a couple friends, ran across the field to the barricade and proceeded to stand there all dayyy....made friends with the security guards...missed William Tell & Sherwood because I was holding my spot on the barricade of the main stage...so I watched Secondhand Serenade, Phil Bensen, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Sugarcult, Cobra Starship, Gym Class Heroes, and Hellgoodbye. Hellogoodbye was the worst pain I have ever experienced during a concert...I couldn't even enjoy the band because I was being killed. But then Jack's Mannequin came on and everything was worth it.......even more so was when Andrew started playing Konstantine, and slowly Clutch and Josh and Brian came on stage and Drew just grinned and said "Ladies and gentlemen...Something Corporate." and the crowd freaked out and I still get goosebumps thinking about it and Josh was wearing the same shirt as me and they finished Konstantine and then played Hurricane and I Woke Up In a Car. Amazing. I got pulled out by the security guards afterward...tried to find Andrew, couldn't, watched part of Dashboard Confessional from the back, then left. Saturday, I went later and had a chill day wandering around...watched The Outline, Daphne Loves Derby, Yellowcard, Chris Conley from Saves The Day do a solo acoustic performance (one of the best shows of my life), met Chris again, watched part of Thrice, and Brand New. Amazing weekend. I would've written more in depth but it was like five months ago.
In October I also did sound for a comedy group during the LA Fest of Sketch Comedy...that was a lot of fun I love those kids. And on the 24th I went to the Nintendo Fusion Tour in Anaheim and saw The Sleeping, Emery, Plain White T's, and Relient K (and left before Hawthorne Heights). That was an awesome show too.
November, I started my first film shoot, for Ivan. Spent 8-15 hours a day building a huge set of a Yukon bar with Drew and Mallie, then spent two weekends shooting and then a day taking stuff back up to prop houses in LA with Ivan and tearing down the set and then another day cleaning up the stage. One of the best times of my life even though I worked my butt off and got no sleep...I pretty much made my best friends on that shoot. I also was a stage hand for the school's shadowcast of Rocky Horror, and I freaking met Josh Groban at a CD signing in LA which I sat outside all day for....I told him my hands were all shaky and he was like oh are you okay and I said something about being tired or being here all day and he asked me how long I'd been there and I said I left my dorms at seven hahaha he was impressed. He was a complete sweetheart for the few seconds I got to talk to him before they shoved me away. Jared came and stayed with me during Thanksgiving that was fun...we went to the beach and Beverly Hills and hung out.
December, Marcus and I production designed Matt Celia's movie the first two weekends. Involved a lot of Christmas decorations and puzzles and maps and sleepless nights but the shoot was a lot of fun too. December 9 I drove to San Diego and saw Cobra Starship and Jack's Mannequin open for Panic! at the Disco. Left before Panic, tried to find Andrew with Allie and Nicky but couldn't...saw him leaving, hung out for a while, then helped Casper pass out ATR samplers after the show. Went home for Christmas, that was fun...Jared got me a White Chocolate and a Jack's Mannequin concert ticket, we went to Body Worlds, etc...
January, worked as art director for the location filmmaking project Danny Steingetz. That has plenty of stories in and of itself, but let's just say overall it was fun and definitely interesting....then Marcus and I production designed Sean Barney's senior thesis the last weekend in January and the first two weekends in February...that was also verryyyy interesting and we had some good times...so stressful though.
February 2nd I drove down the San Diego again to see Jack's Mannequin. Sat in line all afternoon, had early admission, and got a front and center spot on the barricade...watched Get Back Loretta, The Audition, and Head Automatica open and then watched what I believe is the best Jack's Mannequin show of my life. It was amazing...afterward I went to the back with Allie and Nicky and Blayne and Blayne's friend to try to find Andrew since I hadn't gotten into the meet-n-greet...he came out and I said hi to him, had him sign my shoe since Bryce Avary had signed the other...he talked about how he had just hung out with Bryce recently...I died a little on the inside from happiness...took a picture with him, asked him where he got his hat, told him Bamboozle was amazing, etc. And Brian Ireland was there I guess just to see Andrew so I finally got to meet him, asked him about his new band's show at Chapman, I told him it was a good place to have a first show and he said that he chose it because I went there haha. Anyway I got a picture with him...asked him where he got his hat too and said I'd see him in a couple weeks. Hung out with a couple of the guys from Get Back Loretta for a while, they invited us to In-N-Out, we ate and then I drove home again...
This is really long already and I have class in a half hour so I'll write about the rest of February and this month latas...
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