screw it i'll probably be on my lj again haha
http://www.livejournal.com/users/lezzlemynezzle

joy it tends to hold you with the fear that it eventually departs.

New years always start out with such optimism. After failing last semester and changing my major twice, I rededicated myself to my education and everything that I wanted to be, and had a pretty good January.

But here it is, only a little over a month later, and I feel like I'm back where I was in November/December, completely alone and full of regret and confusion. I had a really fun day with Marcus in LA today, going to vintage clothing and used book stores. It was just what I needed. It made me love LA again. But here it is, six hours later, and everything's changed for no reason. I can't make myself truly happy. No matter what happens, the feeling always disappears, and I am left with this gaping hole inside of me. I miss having someone I told everything to. That hasn't happened in four years.

I don't really even know what I'm saying anymore. Casanova is playing on Bravo in 7 minutes but I don't think I'm ready to watch it. I miss Heath Ledger with that unique pain reserved for those you have never known.