New years always start out with such optimism. After failing last semester and changing my major twice, I rededicated myself to my education and everything that I wanted to be, and had a pretty good January.
But here it is, only a little over a month later, and I feel like I'm back where I was in November/December, completely alone and full of regret and confusion. I had a really fun day with Marcus in LA today, going to vintage clothing and used book stores. It was just what I needed. It made me love LA again. But here it is, six hours later, and everything's changed for no reason. I can't make myself truly happy. No matter what happens, the feeling always disappears, and I am left with this gaping hole inside of me. I miss having someone I told everything to. That hasn't happened in four years.
I don't really even know what I'm saying anymore. Casanova is playing on Bravo in 7 minutes but I don't think I'm ready to watch it. I miss Heath Ledger with that unique pain reserved for those you have never known.
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